HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Don´t get me wrong. I´m sad -....like absolutely depressed and disappointed on life. However, I want to smile because Moenia is with me. Please, imaginary friends in my head, help me, help me to survive this extremely difficult life.

VERY DIFFICULT WEEK

Well, yeah. This week was really hard. Tuesday started to go down and Wednesday was the peak of pain and harm. I went to Centro Mayor and there I felt that all my feelings came over me and I felt so overwhelmed that I couldn't control pain hence I cried a lot and I felt like I was going to have a sort of crisis. I really needed someone, I needed my teacher, but of course he wasn't there for me. He will never be, and it hurts. I needed him as a friend, deep down, as someone who resembles a dad and a lover. In short, I suffered, I suffered a lot on Wednesday. Today I had a nice talk with a partner from English for Work. Don't tell anybody but for me, he is a really superior person. He is something magic, stunning to meet and to have I guess. I just have to remember his name is Daniel Alejandro because I will be happy to think of him in future and wonder how he'll be doing. Besides, today I did something different. It was the first time I did it and it actually was kind of cool. I need to work on my conscious (as Daniel says) because I want to be free to do what I want without feeling guilty or judged. 

That´s all. 

Hmmm, C...I miss you C, but I don´t mean to be intense and annoying, that is why I am letting you take a rest from me. But I miss you. And, I think your girl is going away for some days and you said you were going to be like heartbroken. Am I right or am I wrong? Anyways, it's sad. 

BUSY AS A PUSSYCAT

Hahaha I am not even sure of what a pussycat means. It's just that, yeah, I've been busy. Busy eating, thinking of someone, crying, bitting myself, listening to Moenia and...learning, I hope. Let's wait! Let's wait till the next move. I hope I'll be lucky this time. Cross your inexistent fingers for me, please.. 

I DON'T LIKE IT, I LOVE IT...

DARKNESS

I don't want to feel like this anymore. I am awful, I feel awful and I have no hope about anything. How can I be so unstable? How can I feel fine and the next day lose all the fucking hopes that keep us living? I feel so useless for being so voluble. People hate that. But what people think is just the smallest of my problems. I am bad. I need help. I need something that helps me, but I don't know what it is. I am going to end up really bad, but I just don't know. I am sick of me. I am sick of living with me...It's just that sometimes I want to get better, I want to be normal and happy. ...Although, I am normal, right? What is wrong with me? Why am I different if I am just sad? 
Living is too much for me. I am so useless that I can't live a simple, normal life. I feel alone, but it's just that I am empty, I don't have anything to offer me that is why I need people. People can silent my pain for a while, then they go. And it is fine. I can't have people around me all the time, that is wrong. But, I know. Deep in my heart I know I want them to be with me. I want them to save me from something I, myself, have created. I know that my problems can only be solved by me, but knowing is not the same as doing. 
I'm sad. I'm sad that I am an adult. I wish I was a child again. Why didn't I have these problems when I was a child and my mom could solve them? Why? Now, I am alone, it's my fight only. And nobody's here to help me. They can just hurt me and they will destroy me little by little. My friends can't always be with me and people who are near me, they don't care and they will hurt me. I am sick of this. I am sick of this shit. SAD. SAD. SAD. SAD. SAD. SAD. SAD. 

FEAR...

I am afraid, afraid to gain weight again. I don't want to come back to 57, a lot less 58. I don't want to. I know I am doing wrong by letting my life become only appearance and insecurities but it's a start, right? A start to feel motivation once again. At least I have the intentions to change my situation, right? The only thing I wouldn't like to think is that I am feeling energy again just because of a man. I wouldn't like that but deep in my heart I feel that is the rationale (new word, hehe). 
Hehe, this vacation will be strange, I am feeling strange but, for now, I am calm. I have hopes and expectations despite the fear, hehe. I feel a little warmness in my heart and tiny pieces of joy inside of me. Jiji. 
Thanks for receiving me, dear journal. Thanks for "hearing" my thoughts and reading my secrets. 
OFF. 
DON'T LET ME MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN

Starting to fall in love

Once upon a time the most beautiful thursday of this year. I just want to express that I had such a wonderful afternoon with a really nice guy who surprised me with his unusual attitude that day. Feelings and thoughts are very complicated, I felt a bittersweet emotion in my stomach. There were butterflies... an interesting tickle which made me feel what I  haven´t felt in a long time. The thing is that inside my stomach there were also hyenas that were eating my clear coscience and my ephemeral happiness. That is how, the joy and the smiles dissapeared, that beautifully perfect thursday finished, and I had to come back to my life being very confused and starting to fall in love (hence: desperate). 

STARTING OVER :)

Tonight I´m feeling LONELY. It´s probably because I´m not doing anything productive. And, of course, I have work to do, I have goals to accomplish but,...well, I´m just enjoying the unhealthy habit of being "average", you know? Being "mediocre". BUT NOOOO
NOO
I don´t know how, but SOMEHOW I´ll find the energies and I will take control of my life.
Now: The To Do List:
1. Lose weight by eating better and being more active. 
2. Make Tony lose weight by being stric with his food and taking walks with him. 
3. Improve my French level, but REALLY, improve it. 
4. Study Korean on my own. RESPONSIBLY!!
5. Read all the texts I should have read for Interpretación. 
6. Improve my English level and speaking skills. 
7. READ! Read at least one book per month. 
8. Watch a lot of K-dramas (please)...I want to. Miss them :(
9. Being...generally...more responsible and more conscious about my own life. 
10. ...I know I have to do something else, but I just can think what would it be..

Finally, I wish I could get a job, but, I mean, I´m not going to spend all my time, like 12 hours in a "alienating"  job. I need free time to at least (as I always intend to) try to improve my life. Improve myself. 

Guess, that´s all. See you, tomorrow. I hope.

THEY JUST DON´T GET IT ...

For people it is so easy to say it. For mom, specially.

"You have everything, why are you sad?"

"Why do you feel so miserable?"

"Please don´t start again with your stupid, useless bad habits"

"I have seen what you´re doing, don´t start again"

Yeah, of course, I will get better just because you people want it.

If you don´t get it, just don´t ask to much for me.

I want to drown in my own misery since none of you is actually interested in help me. And it´s ok, it is not your job being around to an useless person as I am. You can not, also.

So, just let me rest. 

Maybe...please...tell me some joke and let me rest....

GOING TO THE DOCTOR

I was once chatting with a woman who is a close friend of mine, we were talking about funny experiences and then she told me this particularly amusing story.

She began to tell me she had an uncle who was a doctor, hence, every time she was sick or suffering any pain her uncle checked her and gave her meds. Naturally, she had never been to a hospital or any kind of doctor´s appointment before. Although, getting a checkup of our bodies is necessary at some point of our lives and we wouldn’t feel comfortable if some of our relatives has to do it. Anyway, the time to go to the doctor had come, the woman was pregnant and it was imperative for her to go to the gynecologist.

Once in the doctor´s office, my friend was told to get off her clothing, put on a robe and place herself on the stretcher to wait for the doctor to come. She took off her shirt, skirt, and bra and put them on a chair located beside the stretcher… her panties…well, she took them off and put them in her purse. She put on the robe and located herself (in the way she thought it was correct) on the stretcher. When the doctor came into the room, he started to laugh and called the nurses to see the hilarious scene. My friend was lying on the stretcher in a completely wrong position. You´ll see, the gynecologist stretchers have some kind of support rails where women are supposed to put their legs, they also have like a padding hole where the women butt rests during the pelvic exam. The girl was lying face down with her face on the padding hole and her arms in the legs supports. As soon as my friend realised about her mistake she felt so stupid lying there, and got so mad with the doctor for calling more people to laugh at her that she kicked out everybody of the room, got dressed, took her purse and went out of the doctor’s office. When she was in the elevator, she felt how a cold wind went through her legs, then she remembered her panties were still inside her purse. 

LETTER TO MY DEAREST TEACHER

Bogota

March 19^th 2015

Dear teacher Carlos,

Thanks for your letter and I’m glad that you´ve been doing so great lately. Actually, I have something to tell you and it´s awesome, by the way. As you might recall, I put a lot of effort in the assignment about comparisons we had for your class. I wrote about cats vs. dogs, do you remember? Well, I thought my text was good, so I used it to take part of a pet magazine contest. The magazine have must thought my text was great too, because I won the contest. It´s so cool because the prize was a free trip for a month to a Korean island named Jeju. 

Two weeks ago the contest sponsors gave me the tickets to the flight, introduced me with the person who is going to be my tourist guide and explained to me some last details. Everything has been crazy since then, I´ve been saying goodbye to friends and relatives and organizing some documents. I also have been planning my schedule there: I’m going to arrive at Incheon Airport next Wednesday by the night. Once I am there, I will travel to Jeju Island on a ferry and since the sponsors suppose I’m going to be very tired I am going to be taken to the hotel right away.

The next day will be very relaxed because I´m going to have planned only two main activities; I´m going to do a guided visit to the Jeju National Museum. The visit will be quite interesting since it has this big exposition about Joseon Dynasty that has been described around the world as authentic and redefining. The other activity is to visit a huge, beautiful building which is like a grand example of traditional Korean architecture, I have seen pictures of it and I can´t wait to see it with my own eyes: it seems gorgeous. I think that day is going to be a little overloaded with information because of all the things I will learn in the museum and all the history that the traditional building might have to offer, that is why I hope to be very energetic and well-prepared. At night I´m planning to relax so I will go to a nice spa near the beach. 

One of the multiple things I am enthusiastic for is the nature day (How I renamed it since I knew which activities were going to be then). In that occasion, my touristic guide and I are going to go hiking, the idea is walk round some particular places in the island which are pretty special, those sites are the living proof of greatness of nature.  We will walk along Yongduam Rock. Yongduam Rock is the name of the place where is located a dragon head-shaped rock which was created as a result of the solidification of flowing lava. You’ll see, Jeju is a volcanic island so it´s filled with a lot of volcanic remains and lava formations; we will try to see as much as we can of those amazing archaeological remains and wonders. The second part of this nature day will be the visit to the Jeju Roe Deer Observation Center, this place is kind of a zoo but only with deer, we will be able to see a great number of deer gathered in one big field, I´m hoping to see them acting naturally and having fun; I have a lot of expectations about it because I have never seen those animals and I think they´re really cute. Our encounter with nature is supposed to be ending in the Jeongbang Waterfall, my tourist guide told me that this place is marvelous. I´m getting happy right now just to think about that waterfalls, here is a picture of them. 

Jeju Roe Deer Observation Center

Well, teacher, I am so glad to tell all these great things I will have the chance to see and do that I could keep writing about them for hours but I know by now you are probably a little jealous and don´t want to continue reading, hehe, so I´m telling you the last and cooler things I´m going to do. For my last week in Jeju Island I have booked visits to three touristic places I considered important: The Chocolate Museum, The Teddy Bear Museum and The Jeju Loveland. Let me explain to you, I´m going to start with the Chocolate Museum, it´s pretty obvious, I mean, is a museum of chocolate, I know there are a lot of museums like this around the world, it´s just that I have never gone to one so I thought this could be a good opportunity. People say the museum explains lots of interesting history of ancient methods for producing chocolate and that it also has a “Christmas room” (which I don´t what it is, but I´m certainly going to find out), the museum is one of the ten best chocolate museums in the world and it has a room with the personal collection of the museum director as well.

Now, The Teddy Bear Museum: is the biggest museum of its kind. It was the largest collection of teddy bears produced in the last 100 years and many famous-international bears representing well-known characters around the world as The Mona Lisa or the giant from the novel Gulliver´s Travels by Jonathan Swift. I was just checking pictures of those teddy bears and I´m quite sure that I will freak out when I see all the cuteness in those soft tiny toys.  :) 

THE CHOCOLATE MUSEUM

THE TEDDY BEAR MUSEUM

Last but not least I will tell what Jeju Loveland is. Well, it is a park dedicated to the art of sexuality. I still think is weird such a theme park is located on an island in South Korea given its tendency to be so closed-minded when we refer to relationships but I think there must have to be a reason for that and I will find it, or perhaps it could happen that I learn more about Korean culture and my point of view of their thoughts and beliefs change.   Anyway, here some pictures from the park I found online.

My dear teacher, I hope you have had fun by reading my letter and I really expect you are happy for me too. I will come by the University to bring you my very fun characteristic present from Jeju Island. Bye. 

Tatiana Becerra R.

Cats are a better choice than Dogs when you are getting a pet

I love dogs more than I love cats. Dogs are funnier, cuter and more beautiful than cats, of course. However, if you are a person who wants to live a practical, maybe freer life, there are many reasons why you will be better living with a cat.

Firstly, cats are more independent than dogs. Cats are animals which need to be cared and loved, but they are also able to live their own lives without their owners, they can play and have fun alone, and they also can wander around their neighborhood just being curious about what is surrounding them.  That is why, having a cat gives you the freedom that you can’t have when your pet is a dog. Dogs feel sad and abandoned whenever they’re alone, it seems that dogs are more insecure than cats, so, if you want to go to work, go to school or even just go out without feeling guilty for leaving a sad, depressed pet in home, your better option is a cat.

Moreover, cats are less demanding than dogs. Nowadays, we tend to do many different activities that leave us without time to be in charge of something. So, a pet which don’t demands many cares or worries would be essential for us. Cats can keep themselves clean without having to take a bath and they don’t need to go for a walk for exercise because they can go in and go out home very easily without someone who looks after them; cats learn how to use their litter box very quickly too.

In addition to needing just a few cares, cats give you calm. Instead of cats, dogs are animals naturally noisy and, they occupy more space because they tend to be bigger than any cats breed. Therefore, a house where cats live is always more quiet and calmed than a house where there are dogs.  However, even when cats are quiet, they are not boring at all. Since they’re really curious you are always laughing with them because they usually get into funny, harmless troubles. Last but not least, we have that cats are as lovely as dogs, maybe, more. It’s just that people think that cats are not cute or lovely because of their subtle behavior, but that’s not.  Cats give you love and they care about you if you are actually committed to that relationship.

To sum up, cats are cute, lovely, and loyal animals. If you have cats instead of dogs you get more free time, freedom, calmness, and you can even save a bit of money. Nonetheless, cats are more likely to cause allergies than dogs, they also loose more hair than dogs. According to me, cats are a better choice than dogs when it comes to pets, especially if you are single, but it depends on preferences and lifestyles, so the call is up to you.

MY LAST VACATION

Last vacation I didn't do many great things, but I  rested well. My plans for vacation were to work and to save some money, but even when I applied to many part-time jobs I couldn't get any of them. That is why I just stayed at home and spent almost all my free time watching Korean dramas, washing the dishes, and sleeping. 

On vacation days I used to go to bed at midnight and I used to wake up at 9 o'clock in the morning. During those days, I watched the complete nine seasons of How I met your mother online. First, I wasn't so sure about watching this series, but I eventually loved it. 

Online I found a cool website that has a large catalogue of films of all kind. There I finally could find and watch Help!, one of the five movies starring The Beatles. I also watched the first movie of the film series Star Wars and since it was so interesting I plan to watch the rest of it. 

Besides watching films, I also joined the Red Capital de Bibliotecas Públicas, therefore I borrowed some books from Virgilio Barco and Julio Mario Santodomingo libraries, those books were The Naked Sun by Isaac Asimov and Nothing by Jane Teller. I really liked The Naked Sun because it was the first science fiction novel that I read and I found the story exciting and fun. 

That's it. I hope that you didn't find my vacation so boring.