FEAR...

I am afraid, afraid to gain weight again. I don't want to come back to 57, a lot less 58. I don't want to. I know I am doing wrong by letting my life become only appearance and insecurities but it's a start, right? A start to feel motivation once again. At least I have the intentions to change my situation, right? The only thing I wouldn't like to think is that I am feeling energy again just because of a man. I wouldn't like that but deep in my heart I feel that is the rationale (new word, hehe). 
Hehe, this vacation will be strange, I am feeling strange but, for now, I am calm. I have hopes and expectations despite the fear, hehe. I feel a little warmness in my heart and tiny pieces of joy inside of me. Jiji. 
Thanks for receiving me, dear journal. Thanks for "hearing" my thoughts and reading my secrets. 
OFF. 
DON'T LET ME MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN