DARKNESS

I don't want to feel like this anymore. I am awful, I feel awful and I have no hope about anything. How can I be so unstable? How can I feel fine and the next day lose all the fucking hopes that keep us living? I feel so useless for being so voluble. People hate that. But what people think is just the smallest of my problems. I am bad. I need help. I need something that helps me, but I don't know what it is. I am going to end up really bad, but I just don't know. I am sick of me. I am sick of living with me...It's just that sometimes I want to get better, I want to be normal and happy. ...Although, I am normal, right? What is wrong with me? Why am I different if I am just sad? 
Living is too much for me. I am so useless that I can't live a simple, normal life. I feel alone, but it's just that I am empty, I don't have anything to offer me that is why I need people. People can silent my pain for a while, then they go. And it is fine. I can't have people around me all the time, that is wrong. But, I know. Deep in my heart I know I want them to be with me. I want them to save me from something I, myself, have created. I know that my problems can only be solved by me, but knowing is not the same as doing. 
I'm sad. I'm sad that I am an adult. I wish I was a child again. Why didn't I have these problems when I was a child and my mom could solve them? Why? Now, I am alone, it's my fight only. And nobody's here to help me. They can just hurt me and they will destroy me little by little. My friends can't always be with me and people who are near me, they don't care and they will hurt me. I am sick of this. I am sick of this shit. SAD. SAD. SAD. SAD. SAD. SAD. SAD.